


Safety

by Ha_YouWish



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AU where sora takes longer to disappear, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Just a little cuz soras going through some rough times, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Spoilers, The heart crew cuddle party (vanitas not pictured), Vomiting, i hesitate to say Hurt/Comfort, not ReMind compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 19:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19180294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ha_YouWish/pseuds/Ha_YouWish
Summary: It's only when he's alone in his room, after a tear-filled reunion with his mother, that he really stops to look down at his hands. His fingertips have glowing cracks, slightly painful to the touch. It hits him then and there, how could he have not realized?The price to pay is his disposal. Piece by piece, until there's nothing left. He only has so much time, and he can't waste that on worrying the others. Life must go on.After saving Kairi, Sora realizes that he doesn’t have much time left before he has to face what’s to come: the abyss or something more. But all he can do is spend it with his friends, keeping them unaware.After all, there’s no saving him.





	Safety

**Author's Note:**

> alternate title: Kingdom Hearts π (or Kingdom Hearts 3.1415926... etc)
> 
> Also KH3 spoilers!

It's done, finished. Everyone is safe. Kairi's here, smiling at him, and they're all celebrating their victory on the beach. It's _done_ . Everyone is _safe._

So why does everything feel so horrible?

Sora's smiling, his friends laughing and their faces happy. Their relief to see both of them safe is what keeps his mouth shut, what keeps his smiles from showing pain.

It's only when he's alone in his room, after a tear-filled reunion with his mother, that he really stops to look down at his hands. His fingertips have glowing cracks, slightly painful to the touch. It hits him then and there, how could he have not realized?

The price to pay is his disposal. Piece by piece, until there's nothing left. He only has so much time, and he can't waste that on worrying the others. Life must go on.

And it does. Sora hangs out with everyone from time to time as the days and weeks pass, the cracks spreading incredibly slowly. He visits Roxas and Xion in Twilight Town and Ventus in the Land of Departure, getting to know those that were once inside his heart. He never knew how empty he had been feeling until he feels the presence of one of them nearby, the warm feeling almost being close to the beating hearts he used to feel alongside his.

He makes sure he uses his time wisely, getting to know the laughs of his friends who have gone through lives of grief.

School is required on the Islands, and Sora has a lot of catching up to do. He meets with Riku and Kairi to study, wearing gloves to cover his hands from sight. There's irritation from the cloth on the cracks that now spread up his palms, but its something he can handle.

He can feel Riku's worried eyes watching him more times than he can count as they study. But it's only during a quiet break does he act on it.

"Sora, have you been sleeping okay?" he asks.

Sora freezes for a second. In truth, he hasn't been sleeping at all. His mind too busy at night, racing with thoughts as he stares down at the glowing cracks and tries to figure out if the way they spread faster and faster is real or his imaginationー if his time left is or isn't shorter than he had thought. If he might disappear in just one night.

He cannot sleep, no matter what. His fear of going without saying goodbye is much too great. Perhaps this is another part of his punishment.

But he's confused a bit as to why his friend can tell. In the morning, his reflection shows no signs of the heavy tiredness he feels (he had felt a little guilty when his first thought had been about how much easier it would be to hide this from everyone now that he knows that it doesn't show on the outside).

"It's been… a little rough at night, I guess," Sora says, not necessarily lying, "But I'm fine."

Riku looks at him for a long moment, concern in his eyes, "If you say so." He doesn't look like he believes him, but maybe it's the partial truth that gets the older boy to back off a bit. But Kairi's equally worried stare thrown his way and the conversational glances thrown Riku's way say that he won't get fully out of this one anytime soon.

That night, he sleeps for the first time. It's calming, at first. But the anxieties that plague him in the day sink their claws into him at full force, the cover of his unconsciousness giving them strength to rip into him without interference.

The next day Sora feels more tired than usual, and yet it still does not show on his face. It does, however, show in his actions as he stumbles through the school day.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Kairi asks him as they make their way to meet up with Riku. "You were kind of unfocused in class. More than usual, I mean." Her voice is light, teasing.

Sora sighs. Right. He can do this.

He gives her an easy smile and turns toward her, ready to reply with something to brush off her worries, but his foot catches the wood as the concrete turns to boardwalk. He's quick to turn and fall safely due to all his time fighting, but something makes a loud noise, like breaking glass.

"Are you okay?" Kairi asks, giggling and offering a hand up.

Sora laughs maybe a little too nervously and takes her hand, accepting the help up. _She didn't hear it?_

As they near closer to where Riku waits for them, he hangs back a little bit, playing with the ends of his sleeves.

Once Riku turns around to say something and Kairi isn't watching, he lifts his sleeve. The cracks have spread, glowing over his wrist and halfway up his forearm.

Sora swallows down any emotion he feels at the sight. He'll just have to wear long sleeves for now. He can’t get hurt either.

As he finds out, the sleeping thing is turning out to be a regular occasion. Unlike last time, where all his fears had ripped him apart, all he dreams of is emptiness. Darkness surrounds him, but not the kind he's used to. This one is lacking the raw emotion that tears one up inside, it lacks everything, it'sー

Empty. Crushingly empty. So empty that he can't breathe, he can't see, he can't feel. There's nothing, nothing, _nothing._

He wakes and his chest feels like it's on fire. He panics and checks to make sure the cracks haven't spread thereー just further up his arms, almost to his shoulders. A second later, he feels _cold_ , so cold.

He sits up in his bed, idly glancing at the time on the clock. _3:14 AM_. He opens the window, thinking that maybe letting some island heat in would make him feel warmer.

As soon as the wind hits him, his vision swims as he's almost knocked down just from that. _No, I can't,_ he thinks as he opens his eyes, not knowing they were closed in the first place.

Sora rests his hands on the windowsill, gripping it tightly like he might slip off. He feels sick to his stomach and he really doesn't have enough strength to keep it down. His dinner comes up and out the window. _Lucky it faces the back of the house,_ he thinks for a delirious moment, _don't wanna puke on the flowers_.

He stumbles, falling down onto his bed. His chest burns, but his body feels so, so cold. Everything feels terrible, and he doesn't have any will to battle off the unconsciousness that drags him under.

 

The next day comes, and Sora cleans up the mess from last night. He sets out on his way to school and laughs with his friends. He's still so tired, but his mood has brightened, just a bit. He just doesn't want to give this up.

He confesses this to Riku and Kairi.

"Give what up?" Kairi asks, her hair falling to the side as she tilts her head.

"Spending time with the both of you," Sora says. This is as close as he can get to telling them of what's coming. Something about saying it out loud makes the cracks in his skin grow much too painful, makes his heart pound much too fast.

What would happen then, if he said it aloud? Belief is a powerful thing; he's seen its power firsthand. The belief of the people can change fate just by speaking that belief into existence. It's saved his life before.

But would saying it aloud doom his life now? He feels like just telling somebody of the abyss that lies in his future would make it come all the faster.

But he doesn't have much time, and he can't go on staring at the two of them and feeling too many things as he falls apart piece by piece. Maybe he can admit _something._

"I don't want to lose this," Sora says finally, "I love you both too much."

The happiness is something he rides throughout the rest of the day from the moment they say they love him back. He forgets all about what's to come.

No nightmares or emptiness can beat the pure joy he feels.

At least, until he gets a call.

"Hey Roxas, what's up?" Sora answers his phone just as the sun completely sets, already in his pajamas of a t-shirt and comfy sweatpants. He doesn't even have to make his voice sound cheery, he's _actually_ happy.

"Did something bad happen last night, Sora?" he asks, getting right to the point like always. His words immediately brings Sora's mood down with a sharp breath.

"What do you mean? Things have been fine. No heartless or nobodies."

"Don't play stupid. I was in your heart before so I know when you're lying. Xion and I felt something happen to you last night. We waited until we were contacted about it just in case, but you obviously haven't told anyone. What's wrong?"

Sora can tell when he's caught, and right now this is it. Doesn't mean that he can't try get out of this.

"It's fine, Roxas," he says, hesitating just a bit too long, "Just a nightmare." Or a vision of what's coming for him. "It's late over in Twilight Town, right? You should get some sleep, I'll be okay."

The other side of the phone is silent for a moment. Then there's whispering and oh _hell_ he's on speaker.

"Sora," Xion's voice comes through the phone, he can hear the worry in it, "We're coming over. Now."

Suddenly panic rises in him. They're gonna know, they'll find out. Then this peacefulness he's created, that it's _done_ and everyone is _safe_ , it'll be gone.

They'll try to save him. The life he's been forced to live for too long will be back, this time forced onto _them_. They'll try to save him.

~~ **_"There's no saving you."_ ** ~~

"Wait!" he says, uncaring of how obviously panicked he sounds, "I could justー"

The call ends and Sora's excuses die on his tongue.

A dark corridor opens in the center of his room, Roxas and Xion appear from it. Both stopping in their actions of shrugging off their black coats as they catch sight of Sora's arms.

"Sora," Xion says softly, sitting down next to him on his bed, Roxas sitting on the other side of him. She looks hesitant to come too near him. "What's going on?"

"Iー" his voice stops. He can't say it aloud. He can't say it aloud.

There's a knock on the window, and without even turning around, Sora can tell who it is. Xion gets up and helps Ventus stumble through.

"I came as fast as Iー" Ven's voice falters as he locks eyes with Sora's own. "You're… disappearing."

Roxas and Xion gasp, very alarmed by Ven's words. Sora curls up more into himself, sighing a little as the weight of this secret is lifted slightly from his shoulders.

"He's _what?!"_ Roxas snaps. Sora blinks at the sudden outrage. Xion shushes him, reminding him that they technically aren't supposed to be here. "Why didn't you say anything?" he asks, much quieter this time.

"I didn't want anyone to worry," Sora says, and it even sounds like a lie to his own ears. If he really didn't want them to worry, he would've tried harder to make sure they didn't. He's just selfish. "Everything that happened, it's _done_ . Everyone is _safe._ I got the three of you back, Naminé is back, Kairi is back, Aqua and Terra are back. We're supposed to be the winners."

But it doesn't feel like he won. "I wanted to keep everything normal, I _needed_ to. But if I told you, you would try to save me and then we'd be right back to the mess."

"Of course we would try to save you, Sora," Ven says, sitting in front of the bed and taking one of Sora's cracked hands in his, "What kind of friends would we be if we didn't? We'll help you, no matter what mess we get into."

Sora sighs, that's the _problem_ , don't they see? "That's why I'm scared. That you'll try try so hard when there's no way of saving me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Xion asks, "You're sure there's no way?"

"When I saved everyone, I hadn't known the risk. But even after I was warned, I went after Kairi. I knew what would happen to me."

"And so you're giving up," Roxas's stare is to the carpet, his voice subdued, "Is that it?"

"You can't give up," Xion speaks, "I won't let you disappear. I wouldn't wish something like this on anyone, much less you."

Sora suddenly gets what she means, she doesn't want him to disappear like she did. "I'm sorry," he says, there's not much comfort he can offer her, "But I couldn't let everyone…" he trails off.

Sora sees Xion, her eyes are watery and he suddenly feels terrible for making her cry.

He looks at Ven's eyes that are as tired as he feels and suddenly Sora fears that he's been keeping the boy up at night.

He glances at Roxas, who still looks away from him.

"That's why it has to be me."

~~ **_"That's why it has to be you."_ ** ~~

Roxas stands, his fists shaking and his glare angled at the ground, "I was wrong then. You were asleep, and I disappeared for you to wake. Now I'm back with my friends, my _family_ , and you're disappearing alone. Why is it that we can'tー" he cuts himself off with a frustrated sigh, "It's horrible. _This shouldn't have to be you."_

"It won't be," Ven says, his eyes determined.

"You won't be alone," Xion says, her eyes full of hope.

"Wait, what do you mean?" Sora asks, looking back and forth between the two.

"We're going to help," Roxas says, meeting his eyes with a small smile, "Simple as that."

Later that night, when everyone has piled on the bed in true sleepover fashion, Sora stays awake. He stares at the tips of his fingers, looking at how the glowing cracks have receded to where his palm meets his fingers on each hand. He knows that if he were to look at the hands of the others in the room, cracks would spread up their fingers as well.

Sora's heart feels full, his smile so wide.

"Sora? Are you awake?" He hears Ven whisper from behind him. His arm drapes over Sora's side, which makes him think he might've gotten his cuddly habits from him (and subsequently passed it to the other two).

"Yeah," Sora whispers back, shifting carefully to face him without waking the other two. Then Roxas shifts his head to lay on his chest while Xion snuggles further into his side, her arms held tight around his waist like he'll disappear if she lets go. Sora can't move anymore without waking them.

Ven laughs silently at his predicament, before his face settles down into a sad smile. "You know you can tell us anything, right?" he whispers.

Sora hesitates, but then nods slowly.

"Then why didn't you tell us about this? Or at least about your fears? We would have worried anyways, you aren't as good an actor as you think."

Sora sighs, "Going to other worlds and meeting new people has always been fun, but the reasons I go have never been good. I wasn't chosen to have a keyblade, in the way you or Riku have been. But…"

"You didn't choose to have it either," Ven finishes, "You didn't choose to get dragged into Xehanort's plan, you didn't choose any of it. So you're scared of going back to that, of having no choice."

Sora looks up at the ceiling, so he's that transparent, huh?

"I know you pretty well, by now. You can't get any secrets past me, like how much you _love_ Riku and Kairi," Ven teases.

Sora’s suddenly glad that it's so dark in the room, as his cheeks are probably red. "We're dating now, I think."

"Really?" Ven asked, his voice a little too loud. He stiffens when he realizes this and they both wait to see if the other two have woken up. When they don't, Ven whispers, "I was hoping you'd get together soon. Watching the three of you together was almost as bad as watching Aqua and Terra."

Sora laughs a bit at that, even he could see the way that those two dance around each other, "Well, I wanted to tell them before… y'know."

Ven's arms wrap around him in a loose hug, his head resting on Sora's shoulder, "I know you said you didn't want anyone to try and save you, because we can't, but… You saved me when I thought I was lost, so let me return the favor, okay?"

Sora smiles, "Okay."

His dreams are warm that night.

 

His friends have delayed his disappearance, giving him more time. He probably could never even begin to express his gratitude.

Life goes on once again. Little dates with Riku, Kairi, or both have started to decorate Sora's life with bright lights and glitter.

There's no awkwardness between him and those who were once in his heart. Occasionally, he finds Roxas in his room reading some of the comics he keeps on his desk, or Xion tags along with him on errands, sometimes Ven even stops by when he's done with training. He knows they're worried about him, but he's glad they care.

Sure there's nightmares, but he isn't afraid to sleep any more. He feels protected, even through his worst fears.

One night one of his nightmares stops completely in its tracks, fading into darkness. This wasn't the normal _anger-hate-sadness_ darkness he knows, this one is warm and comforting, like a hug in the cold night.

_Quit waking me up with all that, it's annoying. Just shut up and go to sleep, I'll take it from here, not like there's anything better to do._

No dreams, good or bad, appear that night or any after it. Only the warm darkness he forgets about once he wakes.

Days pass, events and holidays get closer as the air begins to cool. Though the cracks spread further up his body, he feels like whatever's next, whether it's another adventure or the dark abyss, he'll be ready.

Despite everything, things are looking better.

 

"Naminé? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"Come on, you can tell me anything."

A long silence, then, "Do you know that you can tell me anything as well?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's okay, Sora. I know."

"Know what?"

"That…" a bit of hesitation, then, "That you're disappearing. And that Roxas, Xion, and Ventus are helping hold it back."

A guilty silence, then, "They told you, huh?"

"No. I've known for some time. The night after you arrived with Kairi, in fact."

"Then… why haven't you told anybody else?"

"You wouldn't want that, would you?"

"Then why didn't you tell me you knew?"

A thoughtful silence, then, "I'm not being completely honest with you, even though I promised myself I would. The truth is, I've been scared to say it. Like if I told someone or said it out loud, you might just vanish then and there. You were disappearing so fast, I could feel it. So I…"

Her white sleeves pull back and, there on her arms, are glowing cracks.

Those nights where he watched the cracks grow and shrink were not imagined, it was Naminé holding back what's to come.

"I wanted to help you, but I couldn't keep it back by myself. I'm glad you told them."

"I guess I'm glad, too."

 

_"Don't say that, it can't be true. I can't lose you."_

Sora looks down at the pavement, he knew this would be hard.

 _"Please,_ _don't go. I just got you back."_

Roxas sets off, the tower rings the hour as he approaches.

_"I don't want to forget you again."_

Xion walks, hand in hand with Roxas. She's prepared for what's next.

_"What are you saying? Ven, wait!"_

Ventus is the second to arrive, he couldn't stand to stay any longer with the looks on their faces. At least he can keep Naminé company until it's time.

Naminé didn't have anyone to tell. She sits alone for a few minutes before Ven comes up to the clocktower, almost rushed.

Roxas and Xion arrive next, with ice cream. It seems almost silly, to bring such a sweet treat to such a serious moment. But it brings a smile to everyone's faces, and they fall into a nice conversation.

Sora is there last, pleasantly surprised to have some ice cream passed his way. He's uncharacteristically quiet, watching his friends joke around.

"Thanks, guys. For helping me, I mean."

Xion stops, "You say that like we won't see you again. We're going with you, Sora."

Sora gapes, "What? But we went over this, _it_ _has to beー"_

"Us," Roxas interrupts, "It's going to be all of us."

Ven nods, "We decided that maybe if we're all there, we can keep you in one piece. We have to try."

Naminé smiles, "We'll go together."

 

 

The clocktower is left empty, as the five break and fade in the light of the sunset, ready for what's to come. Five bars of sea salt ice cream are left to melt, none of them eaten.

Elsewhere, in a city full of wondrous lights, six awaken in a crossing. Not all is lost, as they once thought. Sora is still here, and so are they. They have hope of returning, they'll be okay.

They can survive the game to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay that was a journey. I've had this sitting in google drive for a while, so i decided to just up and post it in honor of the new Re Mind trailer or something. So here ya go. 
> 
> I used part of that theory I saw about how the kh3 Vanitas we saw was from the past so therefore Vanitas is still inside of Sora's heart, which made me realize that hey i can write a little part about Vanitas being kind of nice in a way.
> 
> I'm probably not going to be continuing this, so let's leave the end up to your imagination.
> 
> Leave a comment if you like!


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